I hesitated a lot whether to write about this topic. During this war, families have been torn apart, people have lost their lives, and there are still those who have not returned home from captivity. I decided to write because in a time of such immense suffering, it is important for me to share what has given me hope lately, and to try to encourage everyone, me included, who is struggling to find hope.
Since the beginning of the war, our lives have been completely disrupted. Pain, fear, and depression have dominated and continue to dominate every day. Now, with the unpleasant surprise of the war's outbreak behind us, I want to share my experiences, ever since that horrifying morning and my journey to find hope since October seventh.
When Routine is Broken
The sound of nonstop sirens signaling the fall of hundreds of missiles on the morning of October seventh, caught us all unprepared. Like other times when sirens were heard in our area, my husband, our three children, and I hurried to the second floor of the building, expecting a few minutes of waiting in a relatively safe spot, before returning to our daily routine.
When we realized that the sirens were not going to stop soon, we descended with all our neighbors to the shelter on the ground floor. There, we received news of unusual events happening in the country, and with them came the understanding that this was not just "another round of missile strikes." When one of the neighbors read from a news site about terrorists infiltrating Israel, I could feel the fear welling up inside me. Once the sirens subsided, we returned home, packed some bags, and went to my parents' house to stay in a safer environment, at a home with an in-house shelter.
Fear and worry suppress creativity.
Like many other creative individuals, I stopped painting and creating altogether from October seventh. In the initial weeks of the war, I felt robotic, and I knew I had to hold everything that was happening both outside and inside for the sake of my family, especially for my children.
During this time, I could barely eat, sleep, and above all, I was worried. I worried for everyone, for those close to me and those I knew were out there, displaced from their homes, victims of bombings, those held captive in enemy territory, far from their families, those dealing with the loss of family members and friends, or those far from home protecting us all. I couldn't even think about painting. I recognized this feeling from the past; When the most basic need for safety is undermined, there is no stable ground for creativity to flourish.
How to restore creativity and motivation?
After about three weeks of war, with zero creativity and inspiration, as someone who’s used to painting almost every day, I decided to force myself into creating. I didn't want to sit and wait for the skies to clear so I could draw inspiration from the environment. Instead, I decided to find the small ember of hope within myself, that's always present in my heart, and ignite it through creativity.
Pre-war life routine may have seemed dull to some of us, but the truth is that this routine is one of the strongest tools in regaining personal security, and preparing the ground for creativity to grow.
Choosing an environment that nurtures personal security.
Gradually, I started sketching small doodles with a pen, just to get back to drawing something. During one of the breaks between missile attacks, I went back home to refresh, and before returning to my parents' house, I grabbed my palette, paints, and brushes, along with a few small canvases and my easel.
When I got back to my parents' house, I sat on the balcony, among paint tubes, a jar half filled with water, and the easel, and I felt my confidence beginning to balance, and my breath starting to stabilize. Looking south, beyond the banality of the neighborhood, which looked exactly like every other neighborhood in Israel, beyond shops and offices, schools, and construction cranes, I remembered how at night, this exact view turns into a theater set of burning missile lights in the sky.
I immediately laid out my palette and started painting the artwork in the picture. I decided to paint on a circular canvas, its unique shape captured my curiosity and drew me to choose it as my painting layout, rather than any other canvas I brought with me.
As I was painting, I remembered the feelings that arise in me when I see those missiles in the sky from the south, and how I calm down my daughters and myself when I we see the burning lights of Iron Dome missiles. My way of reassuring my daughters in those moments is to remind them that the lights they see in the sky are a sign that we are protected, a sign that we are strong and fighting against big forces trying to break us.
Recalling the power in action
Whether our definition of "creation" is being productive at work, cooking, nurturing a garden, writing, or painting, creation has tremendous power that can change the way we experience and process our surroundings. Just as the light of the missile in the sky symbolizes our defense and our ability to cope with external forces of evil, the light that creativity brings into our hearts, symbolizes defense and coping with internal forces of evil: Pain, depression, and fear.
By framing the threatening imagery of a burning missile in the sky as a star of hope and power, I was also able to frame my thoughts and feelings surrounding this image. Out of fear and despair, I managed to infuse into my heart positivity and hope for better days to come, to remember the internal strengths that I still possess and how powerful I am thanks to creativity.
I encourage each one of you to look inside and think about what brings you hope these days. I wish for all of us to experience better days, filled with creativity.
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